the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
