Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
