Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
