At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
