Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i drank out of a bidet.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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