Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
