May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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