I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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