my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
