i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
