I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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