guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
