Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
