i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
