Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
