dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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