I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
