Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
