life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
