how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she smelled like a LAN party
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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