I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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