There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
