would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
