dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
we should paint friendship bongs
There's even glitter on my cock...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
