think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
