They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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