My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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