I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
