Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
