Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
