I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
