All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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