I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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