i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
