I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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