I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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