when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
