I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
