guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Then you guys just all showered together...?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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