It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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