So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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