He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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