when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
