Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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