he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
