I think i peed on brittanys purse
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
