god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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