fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
