Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
