There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
