i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
