I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
