Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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