I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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