96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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