and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
