i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
