I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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