One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
