Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
