you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
