wanna go halves on a baby?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
