Your face is a jimmy john
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
