i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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