My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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